Book Review: "Big Friendships: How We Keep Each Other Close" by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman

 Amintaou and Ann are friends who have a podcast together, Call Your Girlfriend, which I honestly had't heard of before I picked up this book. This book talks about their friendship in particular, but also how we treat friendships, the effort that they take, and how friendships are unique against other relationships in our lives.

A point that they made which I thought was super interesting was that while there is a lot of research about romantic relationships and familial relationships there is far less research done about friendships. Which on the surface makes sense because if you have a friend breakup odds are that you don't have to disentangle your finances, figure out joint holidays, childcare or other things that are associated with familial or romantic relationships. However, anyone who has been through a friend breakup knows that it can be just as devastating as a romantic breakup, even if society doesn't weigh them in a similar way. The fear of abandonment that exists in friendship doesn't necessarily exist in other relationships when you are linked together through marriage or blood.

A&A also invented the "Shine Theory" which is basically that we all "shine" more when we all shine. Supportive friendships mean that we make more room at the table for people, we amplify each other's voices, and don't worry about "well if they have success does that mean I am a failure?". A win for one feels like a win for everyone. 

They cite a study (by Dunbar) that says that the average person's emotional connections max out at 150. "5 people who are extremely close to them...15 who are in regular contact with them and emotionally crucial, about 50 who are strongly and emotionally connected to them and 80 who are slightly less connected but still a strong and important presence in their lives".  This made me laugh because one of my 5's husbands said that he doesn't need more than 5 friends ever and it's become a bit of a joke in our group. Like "if I do that will get kicked out of your 5?" 

There was a quote that they reference, from the mutual friend who introduced them that I thought was lovely: "There's a kind of sonar with friendship. You're bouncing your personality off things and people so it's reflected back to you. Good friendships produce true knowledge about yourself, even just subliminally."

May we all be so lucky to have 1 friend (or 5 if we are really lucky!) to help show us our true selves (good and bad). 

Book review: "Michelangelo and the Pope's Ceiling" by Ross King

You know how sometimes you look at something and go "man, I bet that was a massive pain in the ass to do" ? The Sistine Chapel is like the Grand Poobah of those things.

This book had a lot of interesting facts but was pretty dry and read reeeeaaally slowly so I have tried to pull out the fun facts here.

• The Sistine Chapel was built to the same dimensions as Solomon's temple. It's three times as long as it is wide!
• When artists like Michelangelo would plan their pieces they would do them on large pieces of paper called cartone which is where we get our word for cartoon!
• The pope during this time was Julius II who was called the Warrior Pope because he was stirring up all kinds of trouble because he wanted a bunch of land that wasn't the church's and he did literally everything for his own glory and sounded like a jackass and not a good pope. They butted heads a lot, mostly because he didn't pay Michelangelo on time.
• One of Michelangelo's most ambitious unrealized projects was a bridge that would go over the Bosporus river and connect Europe and Asia which was an idea he got from Da Vinci. He drew up some plans but it never happened. HOWEVER in 2001 a Norwegian architect used the same plans on a Norwegian motorway which is SO COOL.
• Michelangelo featured some of Jesus' lesser known ancestors on the ceiling, which was a uncommon subject matter at the time
• The legend that Michelangelo painted the whole thing on his back is untrue. Though he did have to design scaffolding specifically for this job and it did involve some reclining. 

So, like I said before the content was good but it was a little dry, so 2.5 stars?

"Fierce, Free, Fire: The Guide to Being a Glorious You" by Jen Hatmaker

 I think I've read every Jen Hatmaker book that has come out. Some of them have really hit for me, like 7 and some have hit a little less for me like Of Mess and Moxie. (Part of that could be because the word moxie makes me roll my eyes so much, I don't even know why). I think this one was a win for me, I think because it feels a little more instructional and grounded then some of her other books.

There was a couple of chapters and takeaways that I really felt, like:

-There's a section on how we feel about our bodies. And some of the staggering statistics on how early in our lives we are made to feel bad about our bodies and who makes us feel bad about our bodies and how it's so hard to shake that once it is ingrained in us. It's truly the work of a lifetime. But even if we hate our thicc thighs or our arms that never look unflabby - our bodies are miracles. Every great idea, every kind word, every overloud laugh, every heart stopping kiss, every walk through a foreign country was made possible by that body that you are talking so much shit about. Your body is an ally to your glorious life, not something that you need to beat into submission to fit an idea that the world has held up for you. (Oh man, such an easier thing to say or do. Amirite?)

-There's a section about how sometimes it's easy to put an idea about something you are passionate about out there into the universe ("I'm going to start a nonprofit to end homelessness! I'm going to write that book! I'm going to do this thing that I always wanted to do that I always told myself that I couldn't do because of whatever reason!" ) - even though being vulnerable in that way to the people in your life might not be easy- but the next step is critical. No one will do that hard work that comes next to make that dream a reality but you. And it might be a straight up GRIND. Your dream doesn't work unless you do. 

-She also talks about our need for connection whether it's romantic or friends or work or family. Humans aren't designed to live in our own little vacuums of space. My relationships are of just paramount importance to me. If I have a fight with a friend it ruins my days until we work it out. If I know my sisters are irritated with me it makes me sad. So sometimes I struggle with having healthy boundaries on how my relationships make me feel. I'm not a good compartmentalizer when it comes to things like this. In the section about connections Jen had this wonderful quote that gave me pause and it is still lingering with me because it's something that I feel so deep in my soul too :

"A connected life drunk with rich relationships is central to my soul theology...if all I was left holding were my relationships with my family and closest community, if that is all that remained I would still consider myself the luckiest girl on earth. My life derives it greatest meaning, its power and energy, from the people I love who love me too". 

Just so lovely.

Jen is always one for frank honesty and vulnerability and that's why I keep coming back to her. If that is something that you are looking for check this book out!