Monday, February 10, 2014

"Oh you do not want to be with him"... A Literary Love Conundrum

Just round about time for Valentine's Day I present to you a list of literary men that you just don't want to date.

Lord Byron
I know, he cuts an impressive figure.He had influential friends, an impressive aristocratic title, incredibly writing skills and swag to spare. However, he dies in his mid-30s hounded by debt and broken hearted lovers (including men, women and his half-sister). So yeah one of those people to just love from afar. (Fun Byron fact: he left a tidy inheritance to one of his illegitimate children as long as she never married a British citizen. Sadly she died at 5 years old).

Holden Caufield
Let's talk about what you want in your love life.Is it whining? Self loathing? Possible mental illness? If you want these things I'm going to suggest Caufield, but you really shouldn't want those things so I'm going to say that this is a bad idea.

Draco Malfoy
He comes from a family with a lot of money, seems to be a competent wizard and has some nice quidditch equipment...I guess thats all the good anyone can say about this guy. Otherwise he's a cowardly bully who has all kinds of not nice friends.

This man is synonymous with jealousy, crazy homicidal jealousy and making assumptions.Also a friendly reminder that when you marry a person you also are marrying into his circle of friends. Keep that in mind in case someone has Iago tendencies.

Humbert Humbert
Well he's a pedophile. I feel like I don't have to justify this pick at all.

I was going to include the people from Twilight like "that one guys family is a bunch of animals!" or "that guy really know how to drain a lot of life from the room!" but I didn't want to subject you to such terrible puns. Who did I miss? Who else is a terrible dating choice?


  1. Haha - you crack me up. I can't think of anyone else actually. You covered the bases really well.

    1. Next year Ill do a list of bad literary ladies.gotta be fair!


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